I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
