Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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