I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he thought i was a dude.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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