how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
