Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
