What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
