I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
