he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
