I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
