I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
