your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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