70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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