If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
