looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
