Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
cat food counts as protein by the way
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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