i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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