he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
