I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
