i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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