I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
