We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
