Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
