I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
