Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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