it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
