I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
