If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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