Quick, to the slutcave!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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