Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
