margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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