STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
