I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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