Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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