It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
