yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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