Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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