taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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