And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
