I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This toilet bowl is my home.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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