yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
