the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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