no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
