you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We got so high we made milksteak
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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