we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
