I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she smelled like a LAN party
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm at about main and main street
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
