im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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