dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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