i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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