what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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