she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
