dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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