just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
